Wednesday, May 23, 2012 @ 9:01 PM
Sigh i saw this on Valerie's tumblr (
http://pollyannamillar.tumblr.com/)
And my aunty's leaving this year too :'( She's been with me for... 17 years, close to 18 actually. :(
I honestly thought that this could be a blog to document all my happy experiences, filled with photos and cheesy captions. But if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that writing is the one way I can fully unburden my heart.
Happy meet-ups with beloved friends and quality time spent with the family, these I have no problem sharing with the people around. It’s these difficult things to say that I keep in my heart for a little longer, and finally write it down because it’s gotta go somewhere. I know that ultimately, someone I know personally will read all these things. But still I write them down, because it’s the only way I feel comfortable sharing these things with them. I wouldn’t have to deal with the worried looks in their eyes, or the way they respond when they are at a loss of what to say.
So here’s the story: my maid’s going home for good tomorrow morning. Tonight will be the last time I get to eat her sumptious home-cooked dinner, the last night we’ll be sharing the same room. The last few times I get to see all her belongings when I open our wardrobe door. Even now, it’s emptying out at an alarming rate because of her packing.
This is a bigger deal than it seems, because in the 6 years she is here, she has become a part of our family. She is always there in the morning when I wake up, always there in the room when I’m going to bed. Always there to help with the things I have yet to learn to do: cooking, sewing, fixing things.
Starting next Monday, I’ll wake up to an empty hourse. Come home to an empty house, too. Without my grandmother, her constant presence was what made the house seem even more like a home. I remember when I was a kid, and my previous maid went home for a visit for 2 weeks. My mum took half-day leave each day so that she can send me to school. The 2 weeks came and left, and the very first day my mum went back to work, I was left with a sense of loss and abandonment. I cried each morning for a week, because I felt so lonely whenever I awoke from my sleep. And this is a feeling I know I’m going to have to face when my maid leaves. I’ll have to battle with these depressing feelings every morning while I patter around the house doing the things my maid has always done for me: preparing breakfast, tidying up the bed..
I know it seems that I’m very sheltered, and yes, I agree that I am. I will miss having someone to take care of every detail in my life, from meals to clothes to my living condition. But the reasons don’t just end there. I’ll miss my maid because she’s the one unbreakable link I have to my grandmother.
When my grandmother’s condition started deteriorating, my maid was the one who took care of her each hour of every day. The one who accompanied her when we were all out, busy with our lives. The one who showed her care for her and I believe, kept her clear in her mind for a little longer. So “losing” my maid is sort of like losing my grandmother all over again. It eats in my heart more than it should.
I’ll miss her also because she was there in the most formative years of my life, to witness so many irreversible changes and events. My break-ups, my sister’s rough patch in her studies, our ‘O’/’A’ Levels, my meeting Janson, my grandmothers’ and aunt’s passing.. Life will be so different without her, my family dynamics may even change. And this parting is made even more difficult because this goodbye may be final. So I’m not ready for it, probably never will be, because this is another chapter of my life I’ll have to close.
Her leaving has left me waking up each morning with a heavy heart, a choking feeling that sneaks up on me in the shower, at the office, on the bus. I have had my fair share of disatisfaction with her, but she’s already there in the Seah family picture. The only consolation is that she’s going home to reunite with her fiance, and I try to be happy for her for that.
But my heart still keeps up with its nervous beating pattern..
Sunday, May 20, 2012 @ 8:45 PM
heheheheheehehe so cute :> Esp the 4th picture!
Thursday, May 17, 2012 @ 7:23 PM
I was on the bus, standing in front of the stairs (it was a double decker bus) with no where else to stand (if not i wouldn't be standing there and blocking people who's coming down from the stairs duh) then when the back door opened (for people to alight) then everyone was squeezing their way out and i had no where to move to at all. So i was blocking people who were coming down from the stairs then i wanted to move away already (but i was waiting for my chance to, and too many people were alighting, so it was impossible for the bus to drive off w/o letting the people from the stairs to alight, if you get what i mean..) Then after that this uncle told me off =.= "MOVE LAH PLEASE!" Urgh damn annoying, he didn't shout/scream but he said pretty loudly in a damn rude tone !@#$%^&*() so evil please, i wanted to say "can't you see i have no where to move to" but i decided not to be mean so i rolled my eyes (not at him luh i was back facing him, i'd wish that i did that in his face though... lol i so mean) then i just moved away. Urgh.
On a side note, i dreamt that affirm was held in Malaysia and i was lost with JJ, couldn't find our way back to the place. LOL. Nightmare. I woke up thinking that affirm wasn't over.
Monday, May 14, 2012 @ 8:51 PM
Shaun says:
Pei Jia is a slacker in class, sleeping her school life away and constantly irritating her tablemate aka Shaun
Sunday, May 13, 2012 @ 10:09 PM
How was your mother's day celebration? We didn't celebrate at all LOL we just passed her cards + gifts (actually only my bro got her a gift)... that's cause my mum said that if we went for some religious thing on Vesak day, it'd be enough!!!!!! LOL.
Oh wellz hmmmmmmmmmmm. ok that's all my life's pretty boring nowadays >:
Saturday, May 12, 2012 @ 7:55 AM
Hi i was sick for the past few days :(
Anyway, today got cip briefing @ 10.30am and i couldn't sleep in anymore! What in the world :( Saturday morning siol. sigh hahaha. okay whatever, bb.
